The Colbert Report/Episode/570
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * it has been a life-changing experience for all of them * Private Colbert claim this week as service * golf club is in homage to Bob Hope ** Bob Hope did USO shows for 250 years * Iraq is the biggest sand trap in the whole world * no alcohol ** doesn't want to shout Hoo-ah with a hangover Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out * The Greatest President Ever ** on behalf of he and Laura ** referred to the WHCDA SEGMENT2 * not everyone can do what they do * elite 1% of Americans who still have jobs * nobody's jobs is safe * allowed himself to be recruited by the Air Force Thunderbirds ** Fallback Position * Lt. Col. Greg Thomas ** Stephen has been a fan since he was a child * world's greatest job he could ever have * criteria ** serve your country in the Air Force *** served in the Hair Force ** above average physical fitness ** picture * will have to take him up in an airplane to see what he can do ** Doesn't throw up easily; he's worked with Wolf Blitzer * his wingman, * Stephen was instructed not to touch anything ** there was a Sky Mall catalog ** Wendy's Chili ** and Taco Bell served drinks * Stephen did not vomit ** his stomach hyperventilated * after landing he proudly displayed his two bags of not-vomit ** and kissed the ground Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out * Senator Jim Webb SEGMENT3 * Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * Wag to the Miers convicted for spying for Cuba ** Cuba is so poor they're still driving Chryslers * Tip to FDA ** approving at-home lasers for removing wrinkles * Tip to private military contractor KBR for building Private Colbert's ** M1 tank ** aircraft carrier ** squadron of port-a-potties * also built Stephen's desk ** he's concerned about the wiring * you get what you paid for ** the desk cost $116 million Interview * top enlisted man in Iraq ** Sergeant Major Frank Griffe(sp) * don't call him Frances * he's the top enlisted man ** command sergeant major * Sec of Army calls 2009 the year of the enlisted man ** NCO (non-commissioned officers) * NCOs are the backbone of the Army and the dept of defense * what makes the American soldier the greatest? ** we always win ** top 3% of American society * some of the stuff he does he can't talk about * he likes Stephen's suit * the emblem on Stephen's suit doesn't denote rank, but which direction is up * a few hundred other Sgt. Maj ** had to wrestle them * pictures of the top guys ** Odierno & Jacoby are smiling; he is scowling * he can order any them to do anything ** he ordered them to *** put their right hands in *** put their right hands out * he cannot get them to do the hokey pokey ** won't do it in front of the camera * he would like to order them to sing the Army song Epilogue * Private Colbert thanked the USO and the whole staff ** the ones who stayed in New York and woke up at 2 am to make sure everything worked and the ones who traveled to Iraq * it's insufficient to say "thank you" ** and inappropriate to say "holy sh*t!" * he will say what he hopes everyone will get to say soon, "Honey, I'm comin' home!" Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments